Amazon Prime. Piranhas and Free Shipping

For the low, low price of $80 an Amazon prime membership can be yours!  I don’t often order physical product from them having realized that it exploits employees like it wants to be the walmart of the matrix; but damn, 5 minutes of time to find the from-preschool-favorite-stuffed-beanie-baby-tiger with free two day shipping?  Hard to argue with pure convenience.  Combine the free streaming video, and the free lending of a book per month?

 amazon prime

 Oh, my kindle habit.  A habit that turned from an app on the iPad to an actual kindle because the iPad got too heavy.  Oh, and other people in the family– like JB, the iPad’s owner, started requesting time.  500 books in one year– not counting the library downloads and those I deleted because they were just THAT bad*– sort of disallows complete dissing of The ‘Zon.

*I have a thing about free stuff; why else would Senior Living have made it’s way into my home?  Free books, self published?  Some very good.  Many really not.

So.  One free book.  This should be simple enough.

I started looking for August’s free book already feeling gypped because I forgot July– yeah amazon, where was the email about that, hmm?

I’m talking 2 evenings, at least 6 hours, and 100 previewed books that I then cross-referenced with the library’s available downloads.  Don’t want to waste my free prime book if I can get that milk for free from the library, amiright?

Unlike my typical e-book searches, which rarely break $3.99, I’m hunting for something in the Gold Circle price range.  Yeah baby, the 5.99.  But I didn’t stop there– let’s hit the genres and authors way out of my normal range (which isn’t saying much since I added Mark Twain and… definitely not-Twain… to my already-read list).

A few things occurred to me, right before I downloaded a historical romance about an english rake–who also happens to be a gigolo– and a virginal widow, because, yeah TOO MANY SHINY BOOKS.

  1. I’m bored with my reading, yet can’t stop making bad choices.  I also don’t want to read anything too terribly difficult, because you know, lazy.  Thus my book choices morphed into the metaphorical version of late-night snacking:  not hungry, gonna eat anyway, but no way will it look like a carrot.
  2. I wanted my lent book to be worth a lot, and by the time I got done searching?  It cost me $1385.36 of my contracted-hourly fee and all of the soul I keep in my left foot.
  3. I get motivated like the space shuttle re-enters the atmosphere: specific windows of opportunity at 11 am and 11 pm.   If it’s 11:15 am and I haven’t already begun something fantastic (and with kids I usually haven’t) then I’m stuck circling around with the space trash until 11 pm.  At 11 pm I have to pretend to be trying to go to bed lest JB realize exactly how late I stay up every night.  Really sweetie– by 12:30 every night.  Cough.
  4. The greatest challenge to my human happiness condition is my semi-professional ability to waste time.  This countered by an actual need to spend time with those family people, and those friend folks.  But then I’m with the real people in my life, being all resentful of the time that I could be spending on… What?  Tonight’s search of why my city spells Buffaloe with an E?  Because that matters, ever.  I missed my calling as a politician, I could rock that filibuster* like Poison in the 80s.
  5. Speaking of politics, my greatest blogging/writing success of the past week has to be the 4 search term hits for “McCrory is an asshole”.

*For serious.  I had a talking problem in school (can you believe!) and my parents– in an attempt at creative punishment that always, always backfires– stood me in front of a tree and made me talk to it for 3 hours.  AND I DID.  My final 30 minutes were spent on various renditions of:  “ask not what your mustard can do for you, but what you can do for your mustard” just to watch my Dad waffle between rage and amazement.

2 thoughts on “Amazon Prime. Piranhas and Free Shipping

  1. You have way more faith in amazon than i do. I let barnes & Noble do the work for me with its free fridays. no searching its bookmarked i just have to remember to check on friday since the books are only free till sunday. One of these days i might suck up to amazon… probably.

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