Raise your hand if you have ever

… served peanut butter and jelly and called it dinner because you just didn’t feel like fighting the Small People over grilled chicken on a Thursday night

… called the organic, sugar free jelly on aforementioned sandwich that meal’s fruit group because you just didn’t feel like fighting over broccoli on a Thursday night

… used a lint roller in lieu of a vacuum cleaner because you just didn’t feel like listening to Small People crying over the “loud sound”. These are the same Small People that complain about the dog hair.

… used been-worn, going-to-the-washer clothes as dust mops for your wood floors, because if you aren’t vacuuming then why drag out a broom?

… used been-worn, going-to-the-washer clothes as kleenex for your snotty-nosed children. Then yelled at them the next day for wiping their noses on a clean shirt.

… used your expensive perfume as air freshener because you just didn’t feel like washing the dogs. And you refuse to buy air freshener because of the chemicals.

… laughed at your own hypocrisy. See aforementioned regarding chemical-laden air freshener.

… had your children put on yesterday’s socks because you know there aren’t any clean pairs in that mountain of unfolded laundry. And, hey, at least the dirty socks are a matching pair.

… taken your PUR water filter off when the light turned red and poured a boiling hot water and baking soda mix to get some extra life out of it.

… started drinking water from the bathroom because you no longer trust the PUR filter’s truthiness.

… used a wad of toilet paper and a spray of lysol to wipe the ring from around the inside of the toilet. Been satisfied with yourself for having a clean toilet.

… caught vomit in container while barreling down an interstate at 8am. *This was actually the Husband– I was doing the barreling, he was doing the catching. People it is not safe to both catch vomit AND drive. Geez.*

… let your 4 year old continue to nap a full hour after you promised to wake him up. Because you just wanted to sit in silence.

… paid for silence kharma by then listening to the bird? squirrel? alien? serial killer? root around in the attic. For the second year in a row.

… done jumping jacks for exercise and realized that you’ve slacked off on the kegels and that the pelvic floor you once had is probably gone forever.

… went to the internet to look for one little thing and ended up surfing aimlessly for 2 hours. Extra bonus points if you also make fun of people that watch reality TV AND you forgot to ever look for the one thing.

… looked back in reflection at your week and realized that all of your domestic laziness actually made you a better mother and happier person. Kind of. Except now you realize that you’re still on tap for doing all of the things you’ve avoided. But it’s the NCAA tournament weekend…so you probably won’t.

One thought on “Raise your hand if you have ever

  1. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, WAIT you can do that with boiling water and baking soda?, yes, yes, ANNNND yes. Hey look, we’re mothers.

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