Moms I‘d Like to Punch, aka MILPs.
Yes, I recognize the inherent wrongness in wanting to punch someone in the face. Admitting such an urge for violent reaction sent my Inner Hippie in a mad dash for the patchouli and organically grown chamomile tea.
But my Inner Angry Bitch? The ass-kicker? The one I attempt to mute through kick-boxing, crowbar-related home
demolition renovation, and mindless kindle reading?
She prefers tequila shots to chamomile and, well… we don’t let her out much.
I like the idea of releasing my annoyance out into the matrix. Not weekly, not monthly. Periodically.
Sidenote: I had just about finished this post a few weeks ago, but ended up getting an argument with JB about tub caulk. It felt incriminating to post a blog on my sporadic temper control issues, while defending my fervently-held, yet calmly-communicated, position on caulk.
Why a picture of my temper stuff? Because the info seems to repeat itself in several other draft posts. And who doesn’t like wasting an hour with a persnickety version of photoshop?
The metamorphosis from angry bitch to calm, patient human has met its zenith at not-quite 100%. So rather than continuing the fruitless search for my recessive Buddha, I started instead to use my pointless Rage Superpower.
How? As real-life teaching moments with my kids; examples of when maturity is the only thing standing between your comfortable life and rocking it Correction-Department Style.
I’m looking at you, Ms. Texts While Driving 80 mph in your Gas-guzzling SUV.
Immaturity would be ramming my car smack into her very expensive bumper, shoving her and her Kate Spade off the planet.
Sidenote: Adults like to pretend children define the majority of the immature and impulsive in society.
In a word, Bullshit.
Anyway. So I occasionally experience semi-violent urges that I have mostly suppressed since 15 year old me had the last Unfortunate Meeting between fist and brick wall.
My first MILP comes to us from the world of snow/south/school delays.
January, or Snowpocalypse 1.0, happened and with it came an early release from school because of the threat of snow. What? I live in the South, that’s how we roll down here. Oh, and no one took the “one inch of snow” thing seriously a decade ago and no one that lived here has forgotten.
Take a moment and imagine being stuck in the car for 15 hours with a hungry six year old. Or your six year old being stuck overnight at the school. Or being the teacher, stuck overnight at a school with your six year old while HER six year old is stuck in a car for 15 hours.
Just last week the school delay, outcry from MILP happened all over again, thankyouverymuchNCweather, I got to bring it out again.
When the residents in the land of Sweet Tea and Bless Your Heart hear about snow they get excited, then they panic. The yankee transplants roll their eyes and call us stupid. Then they get out and drive.
Sure you bitches can drive on snow, but we get ice and you, my friend, are no penguin.
Every. Single. Year. Two hour delay– but it’s just rain! Yeah, yeah. Snow paralyzes us with its shiny coldness.
Hurricanes? Meh, it’s just a little wind and rain.
Yes, they often cancel school for no reason (this last time was seriously JUST RAIN), but still. When your ass doesn’t have a paying job you really should just shut the hell up.