BREAKING NEWS…. It’s possible that the Monster Truck has been hiding out in a location where Zach has never been, which would mean that he actually wasn’t lying. So I have to shelve my teachable moment conversation. Of course, there’s a traumatic story from my own childhood involving a yard sale and an accusation. But I’ll save that for tomorrow. And damn you JB /shakes fist/. He was the one who took Elliot and Blue Thunder to the undisclosed location, which totally slipped his mind during my weeks of semi-frantic searching.
I’m just waiting to catch him. By catch, I mean that I’m throwing out subtle questions, laying verbal traps, and tripping him up. Really, he’s no match for me–not yet.
Ha- some of y’all thought I was talking about JB didn’t you? Yeah, JB is the easiest person to catch lying– he’s not very good at it, bless his heart. He gets nervous, gets his stories all mixed up, and gets caught.
Zach, however seems to be taking after his mama. In many ways his astute grasp of the nuances of the English language and observational prowess are kind of astounding. I can visualize him filibustering the Senate–on the side of good–not evil–of course. His tenacity would wear down a less talkative/argumentative mom. Unfortunately, (fortunately in the long run– 4 year olds don’t actually need as much as they might think) for him I can debate on any side of any argument, at any time.
Sometimes I don’t even need to know much about the topic to argue it. There was this one time, during College, Version 1.0 (e.g., my first attempt, with a full academic scholarship, before my first semester’s 0.4 GPA sent me home) that I wrote an entire paper on a book that neither I, nor my good friend Cliff Notes, had read. Before real internet and looonnnggg before google. That was the only class I passed that semester, on a lie. The ironic thing is that I don’t lie very often. Well, I lie by omission a fair bit, but that’s how one stays married and keeps friends. But if you ask me point blank? Yeah. Well.
Dear Zach, whose first response to my vague question of “where did Elliot’s Blue Thunder Monster Truck go” was an immediate, “I DIDN’T HIDE IT FROM MY BROTHER” seemed suspicious right away.
When his second response, a few days later to another rather vague comment I made to Elliot was, “NO. IT WASN’T ME.” Bonus points? He was three rooms away when he overheard and answered the question.
Tonight at dinner, I mentioned to Elliot that I braved dust bunnies, lonely socks, an unopened package of fishnet stockings (?), and tax documents from 1994 under our bed– to no avail. Blue Thunder is still missing. “Perhaps,” I said, “it’s outside. Or in our car.”
Zach’s immediate response was, “No, it’s not outside, or in the car.”
One raised eyebrow from me, and he qualified–quickly–”I didn’t notice him take it out there. That’s all. I’m not lying. Really. I absolutely didn’t do anything bad to Elliot’s monster truck. No. No I didn’t.”
Dude. I know he hid/threw/gave that truck away at some point. Know. It. Eventually his guilt will eat him up enough to fess up. And I’ll be waiting–well planned lecture…er, teachable moment conversation planned.
The I know he’s lying by Scattermom, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.